I had something to say, but then you smiled and I forgot. April 20, 2008

Isn’t Hunter just the sweetest? It wasn’t just a line either, he did start to say something and I smiled (or so he says, it was a subconscious thing), then he paused and just looked at me.  I asked him what he was going to say, and he his response was the above line.  I am such a lucky girl!

Last night was so amazingly wonderful.  First, he got off work a little early and shows up to my house and tells me he has a surprise.   It was just spectacular – he didn’t have to work at the butt crack of dawn the next day!  Originally, we were both supposed to work extremely early, which meant an early end to the evening and no staying over night for him.  He got to spend the night though! And, I called in sick to work (naughty, I know) so we got to just be naked together in bed almost all morning.

For the beginning of our momentous (I say momentous because we’re *never* home alone) evening together, he sat naked on the floor while I curled up in clothes on the couch.  He would lean up on the couch a little and we’d semi-cuddle and chat.  It was so nice just being with him.  One thing that I love most about him is that he loves those moments too.  He loves them a lot actually – so not typical of many guys our age. 

While I “made” (er, um, reheated Olive Garden food) dinner, he worked on getting himself off.  When he was ready to cum, I made him cum in his soup.  But, he couldn’t really taste it. Damn Olive Garden, why do they have to make their food so flavorful?  Dinner was delicious.  I even ordered desert – yummy tiramisu!!  I only ordered one though – for me.  He was like a little puppy in my lap begging for bites.  I did give him a few little ones but mostly I savored my desert and being a bitch.

~*~*

Oh, very exciting news! I orgasmed during sex!!  First time EVER!!  Granted, I was using my bullet so I still haven’t had a g-spot orgasm, but it’s progress!  Hunter said he couldn’t even get in me  – my muscles contracted that much.  But, right after I orgasmed, Hunter lost his hard-on.  When I realized what happened, I rolled over and almost started crying. I started worrying that I didn’t do it for him enough anymore, that I no longer turned him on.  I get that guys don’t have control over that but it’s hard not to take it personally.  It happened again today too.  He takes a *long* time to get ready to go again after sex, but he’s never really had a problem staying hard after he’s gotten hard (at least with me anyway).  He has been drinking more lately and I know that can effect it.  Stress/depression can also effect it and he has had a fair amount of that in his life recently.  I’m really hoping it’s a temporary thing, and that I do still really do it for him.

~*~*

I didn’t make him to actually *cry* but I did almost get a tear!!  I was pretty sadistic this weekend.  Last night I tore into his nipples.  I’d read a long time ago about using a hanger to pull two clothespins on he nipples.  So, I did that last night.  It was quite entertaining pulling him around by a hanger as he winced in pain.  I also smacked his ass a bunch.  I do so love spanking.  I also hit his balls a fair amount.  That really hurts him.  That’s how I got that almost-tear out of him.  His balls are definitely going to be sore for a while. I love it.

~*~*

I made a couple new rules for Hunter.  He is to pee sitting down and if only I am present, to pee with the door open.  I made up the sitting to pee rule for several reasons.  One, it’s a way for me to exert control in his everyday life, even when I am not there.  Two, I like controlling him in non-sexual ways.  I really enjoy the fact that the D/s in our relationship isn’t solely in the bedroom.  Three, it’s a demasculination (I’m not sure if that’s actually a word…microsoft says it is though!) thing.  I don’t know if he actually views it that way or not, but that’s part of the intent.  Guys stand to pee, girls sit down.  Now, Hunter also sits down.  See how that works?  There are two exceptions to that rule – if he’s at a bar (hell, I don’t even sit on toilets at bars, why would I expect him to?) or happens to go to the bathroom with friends (though I don’t know why that would happen, it’s just girls who do that…or so guys like to say!) I don’t want his friends to start asking questions.

I made the peeing with the door open rule, again because I wanted to exert more control.  But I did it to also drive home the fact that he is mine and rights are not assumed, they are gifts.  He doesn’t have the right to privacy – *everything* he does is my business.  He had a hard time peeing with the door open at first.  The first time he tried but wasn’t able to.  The second time he tried, he was able to go.  I was in my bedroom which is next door to the bathroom when he was finally able to go.  I made sure to provide plenty of positive reinforcement.  I praised him just like I would a two year old who went pee-pee in the potty.  This morning he even went with me standing right outside the door!  How quickly he adjusts! 

Absence, Punishment & Fantasies….Oh My! March 22, 2008

I haven’t seen Hunter in 6 days and it’s looking like it will be another 4-8ish  days before I see him again.  I’ve gotten to talk to him pretty much every day though so I shouldn’t complain too much! But, right now he’s at his Grandma’s which I guess is totally in the boonies and he doesn’t get cell reception.  So, no talking at all today or tomorrow. 

 I’m really excited about the direction in which Hunter and I are moving. We seem to really be on the same page about one another, how things are currently, and what we want to happen.   Things are growing deeper. I look back at some of the first posts I made about him and I  and they’re almost solely about the physical aspects.  But, as time has passeed they have become more about the relationship as a whole, not just the physical part. I’m looking forward to moving even more in that direction.

This past week while Hunter was gone, he went out on the town almost every night.  Each night when he got in he was to text me – just so I’d know.  He forgot one night.  His punishment was to write “I will text my owner when she tells me to,” or something along those lines, 25 times – to be done all at once.  He HATED it.  I think writing sentences is going to be my favored punishment.  But, I need to also remember to change it up once in a while.  Really, he is such a good boy though.  He has yet to intentionally disobey me.  He does get pretty down on himself when he slips up and forgets something I asked of him.  I hope punishment is a cleansing experience for him.

Almost as soon as Hunter and I started dating, getting myself off became a lot more difficult.  I would picture things we’d done and things I wanted to do to him.  The thoughts would arouse me but it was taking me FOREVER (okay, more like 10-20 minutes) to cum, which was really odd because I usually cum within a few minutes.  I just didn’t get it – when I actually did the things to him that I was imagining, it got me wet and horny as hell, but it just didn’t do a whole lot when I masturbated about it after the fact.  I felt really, really guilty about it.

But, the other day Kaya did a post about fantasies and it made things a whole lot more clear to me.  Most of my fantasies since I met Hunter have been about me and two unknown males – one I am submissive to and the other is my sub.  The dom and I do humiliating and degrading things to my sub – more than I could ever see myself doing in real life.  I would also not do another guy in front of Hunter due to concerns about the emotional effects it could have.  I think there’s something else to it too.  Once something happens it becomes a reality, not a fantasy.  No matter how hot the experience was it still won’t measure up to the intensity/allure of something that hasn’t happened, at least for me when I’m masturbating. Like I said though, thinking about things Hunter and I have done does get my mighty horny, but it takes a different kind of fantasy to get me all the way to an orgasm.  I wish it wasn’t like that, but that’s just the way it is.

A night of firsts March 9, 2008

Hunter and I had an amazing evening last night.  It was a night of firsts for both of us – very first times and first times together.

Last night was the first time I’d been upset with Hunter.  We planned to go to a hockey game and he arrived at my place a little late.  I was next to silent on the way to the game.  I was debating whether or not to say anything.  I felt like it was a petty thing and I was afraid of coming off like a total bitch.  Walking into the game I did find a way to bring it up – what I told him was that I hated missing the opening part – when the shut the lights off and announce the players and such.  He apologized and I was fine again - I just needed to get it off my chest I think.  We get into the hockey game and sure enough, we get there right before they shut the lights off for the starting line-up.  So, I really didn’t miss anything and all was good. 

While watching a movie after the game, I applied clothespins to his balls and began sucking his cock.  Again, he made amazing noises.  After a bit I stopped sucking him and began rubbing his cock.  I really want to work with him on cumming on command, counting down from 10.  I told him I expected him to cum when I got to 1.  I started counting, very slowly.  He wasn’t able to cum on the count of one, but that was okay with me.  I know he tried. We’ve gotta start somewhere, right?

We later went up to my room for bed.  It was awesome – we layed in bed almost naked together for a long time, just talking.  Things eventually got hot.  We wanted each other so unbelievably bad.  I was torn about the sex thing though.  One, I was on my period – I wasn’t sure that I wanted to deal with the mess.  Two, he was supposed to bring condoms and he’d forgotten.  That’s kind of a big deal.  Three, he was given an instruction to give me my own ring tone on his phone and he had not done so.  So, I wasn’t sure if he deserved to have me.  But, in turn I was also punishing myself because I wanted him unbelievably badly.  It finally dawned on me that I actually had condoms…how I could forget something like that I’m not sure. We discussed an alternate time for me to administer a punishment spanking and soon after the fucking commenced!

I have to say, it was some damn good sex.  I’m really tight and he’s really thick so it took quite a while for me to be able to take him all comfortably.  I prefer to be fucked, rather than to fuck.  Yep that’s right, I want the guy fucking me, doing most all of the work.  So, he was on top of me, humping away while I laid back and just enjoyed the festivities.  A little while into I told him to cum on the count of ten.  He did!  I was so proud of him!  He later told me he was ready to cum at 5-4 but was able to hold off.  After he’d cum I made him stay in me for a few minutes.  Just feeling him completely fill me was so hot in itself.  I would have been fine staying like that forever.  After that we cleaned up, curled up, and went to sleep.  I am amazed at how perfectly I fit in his arms.  I’ve never been so comfortable curled up with someone before.  It’s just amazing.

As I said before, it was that time of the month for me.  I had never had sex while I was ragging and Hunter had only once but it was kind of an accident.  It wasn’t really all that different though and not messy at all.  After the fact, Hunter told me that with his previous domme he hadn’t been able to stay hard when she was on her period.  He had absolutely no problem with that with me!!  Not going to lie, that made me feel pretty good – I have been insecure about his past relationship with her.  But, I’m definitely getting over that!

I asked Hunter what he thought would be a good punishment for his recent transgressions.  He thought 5 smacks would be good.  I assured him that 5 smacks would definitely be part of the punishment, which is planned for tomorrow.  I’m really not looking forward to it.  While I do have sadistic tendencies, I’m not a mean person.  I would much rather spend time cuddling with him or causing him the good erotic kind of pain, rather than giving a punishment paddling. 

‘Nilla Sex January 30, 2008

When I’m not at my computer, I have a ton of ideas for posts – a bunch of thoughts to share.  And then I sit down to write and POOF! they’re gone.  Go freaking figure!

I had some vanilla sex last night.  It’s the first time I’ve had sex in about 9 months.  Mind you, I’ve had opportunities and I have done other things with guys, but not sex.  I have been so horny for about a month now (not that I wasn’t before that, but it’s been more intense lately).  It wasn’t as good as I remember it being.  Then again, sex is never as good as I remember it being.  That has almost always been true – the fantasy of sex is better than the reality.  I tire of sex after about a minute and a half.  Seriously, what is my problem?! Anyway, back to the sex of last night – I think part of the reason it was just so-so is because I’m not really serious about this guy.  I have noticed that the sex has been noticeably better with guys I have deeper, genuine feelings for.  So, really, I should have known this was going to suck.

Speaking of sex – orgasms.  I have never orgasmed during sex.  Matter of fact, I’ve never orgasmed from anything other than my hand or a vibrating bullet.  Like I said, I think a lot of that has to do with the emotional connection thing.  Part of me thinks I’m just broken   I am on anti-depressants which could very well have an impact on it also. 

There was a point to my orgasm history, I swear. I think my lack of orgasms is one reason I’m drawn to the Femdom thing. In a lot of the femdom reading I’ve done (granted it’s been mostly fiction – I haven’t found any Femdom blogs I really like…if anyone knows of any, let me know!) there is not a whole lot of sex. I don’t really see myself having a lot of sex in any relationship I have (another reason I wouldn’t have worked as a sub) and for the most part, I’m pretty content with my bullet. The more I get into the Femdom thing, the more I’m sure this is ideal for me.