6 Months April 18, 2009

That’s how long it had been since the last time I’d played.   But, I got laid the other night and man, it was nice!

Hunter came over (I know, shame on me for letting him back in…but, but, he’s just so damn good!), pretty spur-of-the-moment.  We chilled for a while, just talking and catching up – but constantly touching.  He layed in my lap for a long time.  It was obvious that’s a very comfortable (emotionally, in addition to physically) arrangement for us. 

I teased him for quite a while.  It had been so long since I’d played, I’d forgotten what a thrill I got out of causing boys pain.  My pussy was dripping the second he moaned the first time I twisted his nipples.  We didn’t do a whole lot with pain – just some nipple twisting, hair pulling and some taps (though he might call them whacks…lol) with a wooden spoon.  The real torment for him wasn’t the wooden spoon, it was me denying him entry.  He wanted to be in me *so* badly.  I’ve never heard him beg as intensely as he did that night.  One of his favorite things to do is go down on me – he used to beg me to do that.  But when I made him the other night, he was actually upset about it!  I got a kick out of that – definitely a testimony to how bad he wanted in me. 

I let his dick get right up to my pussy – he could definitely feel how wet I was.  He just kept asking and begging me to let him enter, but I refused.  But of course I finally relented as it was what I wanted too.  It.  Fucking.  Hurt.  Hunter is really thick and I’m really tight – especially when I haven’t had it for a while.  Usually I loosen up after a bit and begin to enjoy it.  That night the pain never really eased though.  I found it to be exceptionally fulfilling nonetheless. 

A guy had once told me that some girls are actually *too* tight – it hurts their cocks during sex.  I was worried this is what was happening with Hunter so I asked if I was too tight.  He assured me by saying, “No! It’s what makes you the best.”  And, I can’t lie – even if he didn’t totally mean it, it felt good to be called the best.  Even if he didn’t totally mean it, I know that at the very least, I’ve gotta rank towards the top. 

He didn’t fuck me for very long.  Part of the reason was because it hurt me so badly.  The other part was that he wasn’t fucking me the way I wanted – he couldn’t fuck me that way actually.  I like it hard and fast (even when I’m in pain – hard and fast is actually what makes the pain subside) but he couldn’t do it without cumming.  I started counting down from 5 for him to cum.   He didn’t move the whole time I was counting.  I’ve never experienced that before - guys always speed up or slow down as I count, but they never stop completely.  When I got to one, he came – without having to move his cock at all.  So yeah, I’d say me and my pussy still do it for him

I had something to say, but then you smiled and I forgot. April 20, 2008

Isn’t Hunter just the sweetest? It wasn’t just a line either, he did start to say something and I smiled (or so he says, it was a subconscious thing), then he paused and just looked at me.  I asked him what he was going to say, and he his response was the above line.  I am such a lucky girl!

Last night was so amazingly wonderful.  First, he got off work a little early and shows up to my house and tells me he has a surprise.   It was just spectacular – he didn’t have to work at the butt crack of dawn the next day!  Originally, we were both supposed to work extremely early, which meant an early end to the evening and no staying over night for him.  He got to spend the night though! And, I called in sick to work (naughty, I know) so we got to just be naked together in bed almost all morning.

For the beginning of our momentous (I say momentous because we’re *never* home alone) evening together, he sat naked on the floor while I curled up in clothes on the couch.  He would lean up on the couch a little and we’d semi-cuddle and chat.  It was so nice just being with him.  One thing that I love most about him is that he loves those moments too.  He loves them a lot actually – so not typical of many guys our age. 

While I “made” (er, um, reheated Olive Garden food) dinner, he worked on getting himself off.  When he was ready to cum, I made him cum in his soup.  But, he couldn’t really taste it. Damn Olive Garden, why do they have to make their food so flavorful?  Dinner was delicious.  I even ordered desert – yummy tiramisu!!  I only ordered one though – for me.  He was like a little puppy in my lap begging for bites.  I did give him a few little ones but mostly I savored my desert and being a bitch.

~*~*

Oh, very exciting news! I orgasmed during sex!!  First time EVER!!  Granted, I was using my bullet so I still haven’t had a g-spot orgasm, but it’s progress!  Hunter said he couldn’t even get in me  – my muscles contracted that much.  But, right after I orgasmed, Hunter lost his hard-on.  When I realized what happened, I rolled over and almost started crying. I started worrying that I didn’t do it for him enough anymore, that I no longer turned him on.  I get that guys don’t have control over that but it’s hard not to take it personally.  It happened again today too.  He takes a *long* time to get ready to go again after sex, but he’s never really had a problem staying hard after he’s gotten hard (at least with me anyway).  He has been drinking more lately and I know that can effect it.  Stress/depression can also effect it and he has had a fair amount of that in his life recently.  I’m really hoping it’s a temporary thing, and that I do still really do it for him.

~*~*

I didn’t make him to actually *cry* but I did almost get a tear!!  I was pretty sadistic this weekend.  Last night I tore into his nipples.  I’d read a long time ago about using a hanger to pull two clothespins on he nipples.  So, I did that last night.  It was quite entertaining pulling him around by a hanger as he winced in pain.  I also smacked his ass a bunch.  I do so love spanking.  I also hit his balls a fair amount.  That really hurts him.  That’s how I got that almost-tear out of him.  His balls are definitely going to be sore for a while. I love it.

~*~*

I made a couple new rules for Hunter.  He is to pee sitting down and if only I am present, to pee with the door open.  I made up the sitting to pee rule for several reasons.  One, it’s a way for me to exert control in his everyday life, even when I am not there.  Two, I like controlling him in non-sexual ways.  I really enjoy the fact that the D/s in our relationship isn’t solely in the bedroom.  Three, it’s a demasculination (I’m not sure if that’s actually a word…microsoft says it is though!) thing.  I don’t know if he actually views it that way or not, but that’s part of the intent.  Guys stand to pee, girls sit down.  Now, Hunter also sits down.  See how that works?  There are two exceptions to that rule – if he’s at a bar (hell, I don’t even sit on toilets at bars, why would I expect him to?) or happens to go to the bathroom with friends (though I don’t know why that would happen, it’s just girls who do that…or so guys like to say!) I don’t want his friends to start asking questions.

I made the peeing with the door open rule, again because I wanted to exert more control.  But I did it to also drive home the fact that he is mine and rights are not assumed, they are gifts.  He doesn’t have the right to privacy – *everything* he does is my business.  He had a hard time peeing with the door open at first.  The first time he tried but wasn’t able to.  The second time he tried, he was able to go.  I was in my bedroom which is next door to the bathroom when he was finally able to go.  I made sure to provide plenty of positive reinforcement.  I praised him just like I would a two year old who went pee-pee in the potty.  This morning he even went with me standing right outside the door!  How quickly he adjusts! 

I sure have missed the boy! February 24, 2008

I got to talk to my baby last night!!

He’s been super busy and stressed lately, trying to decide if he’s going to stay in NYC or move back to the midwest.  I’m making an effort to try not to influence him one way or another.  Considering we haven’t “known” each other long and have never actually met, my presence in his life should really have no impact on his decision.  He needs to do what’s best for him.   All I told him was that I’d be lying if I said I wouldn’t be sad if he decided to stay in NYC.  BUT, well, I’m selfish…and I want him.  To be completely honest, I most likely would have never replied to his initial note on collarme, had he not said he was moving to the midwest in the next couple of months.  I don’t do the long-distance thing. But, now that I’ve gotten to know him and really like him, I can’t imagine ending things just because he’s in NYC.  If he did decide to stay there though, there would need to be some plan for moving to the midwest within the next year or so – if I am going to do long-distance, it’s not going to be indefinitely.  The two of us probably won’t discuss it again until he’s decided – it’s something he needs to decide completely on his own.

I let Paden cum last night.  Considering the stress he’s been under lately, I was worried that the stress of not cumming was having negative effects.  I think for more seasoned subs, orgasm denial would help the person to center, help them deal with the stress.  But, Paden is new to this.   I actually brought up the possibility of cumming on Friday night, as a way for him to de-stress a bit.  Soon after that though he had to leave and since he is not allowed to cum without me “present” (either online or on the phone), so he was not able to cum. 

Last night he came on cam for me – with his roommates gf in the very next room!  I could hear the tv she was watching in the background.  I was nervous as hell – I can’t imagine what Paden was feeling!  I heard him as he was cumming…it was so awesome.  As soon as he was done cleaning up he said he felt like he could sleep for days.  He hasn’t been sleeping well lately because of the stress.  I was very happy that cumming had that profound of a positive effect on him.

 Paden said something very interesting last night.  He said he feels very “disconnected” from his private parts now.  He genuinely feels like they aren’t his to control, but Mine.  I was very pleased with that admission of his. 

Sometimes I worry that I’m not “mean” enough – strict enough.  I often tell him how crazy about him I am, how lucky I am to have him, and what an amazing sub he is.  But, is that really a bad thing?  There are all kinds of doms – from extremely rigid ones to ones who only demand submission in the bedroom.  I need to get over the mindset that I’m doing it “wrong.”  However I’m doing it is right – right for Paden and I.  At least it sure as hell seems to be working alright thus far!  He claims that when I get all giddy and girly about him/us it actually makes me seem more domme-like.  How that works, I’m not really sure but I think it’s just another thing that shows how well we work together.

I mentioned that Paden can only cum in my presence.  I also gave him one other rule.  He is required to contact me every day.  Whether it is a text, offline message, or e-mail – I need to hear from him daily.  Because of his living situation and the difference in our schedules, it is difficult for us to have actual conversations every single day.  But, as I’ve touched on, I tend to be insecure in a new relationship so I need that daily contact.  Yesterday I got home and had an offline message that said, “….just checking in….”  Even though he knew we’d probably talk in the evening, he still covered his bases by checking in earlier in the day.  He’s such a good boy!  I’m such a lucky domme!

Risky Bussiness February 17, 2008

Before he “met” me, the only place Paden would cum was in the shower or when no one was home.  He was too self-conscious to do it in his room when his roommates were home.  That all changed last night, well at least temporarily. 

He was sitting in his living room with his cam on and he brought up bringing his cock out or something along those lines.  I (of course!) was not opposed to that so he whipped it out.  Several times he got himself to the brink of cumming then would back off.  I wasn’t able to actually see him cum the other night and I wanted to watch his face while he did it.  So, I told him to cum.  He promptly did, all over his chest.  He has very interesting facial expressions when he’s jacking off and orgasming – his face squishes up and it actually looks like he’s in pain.  I’ve never seen anything quite like it before.  I told him to lick up some of the cum.  I asked him how it tasted and he said, “chalky and sick.”  I too hate the taste of cum and knowing that he also does is going to make it so much sweeter when I make him eat it – which I plan on doing quite frequently. 

But right then, the screen went blank and he imms me saying, “Uh oh, Busted!”  His roommates came out into the living room!  MY face even turned beet red!  I felt absolutely horrible!  Here it was something he had already been self-conscious about and I made it worse!  As a domme it’s my job to “protect” him and such and I felt like I totally failed him.  But, he wasn’t phased all that much.  He assured me everything was okay, that he was able to cover it up pretty well.  Actually, it was rather erotic to him I think. 

The first time I made him cum, after hours and hours of teasing, after pre-cum without having touched his cock, it still took him 19 strokes to make himself cum.  Last night it took him longer than I would have preferred to make himself cum.  In know in relation to the norm he came quickly, but I would prefer quicker.  So, I am looking into cumming on command.  I plan on researching it and working with him on it.  What I’ve found on-line thus far seems positive, that cumming on command can be done.  I’m also looking up Femdom non-fictionish books.  I think it would be fun to read a book or two “with” Paden – I’m sure we would both learn a lot about ourselves, our roles, and each other.