No More Doms for This Girl July 12, 2009

As I’ve written recently, I have had some submissive fantasies cropping up lately.  I do have both submissive and dominant profiles on collarme. Yeah, I could just do one and list myself as a switch but I’m looking for either a relationship with a dominant or a relationship with a submissive – I don’t switch within a single relationship. 

 

A week or so ago a couple (about 3 hours away) contacted me.  I talked with the dom a couple times (probably totalling around 5 hours).  He seemed really nice and normal – had a submissive wife and kids.  Then he proposed that I submit to him for an afternoon.  Everything went well for a while – even though he had no idea whether I was actually submitting to him or not, there was a rush when I did as he said.  Eventually he gave me my big assignment – to wear a short skirt, spaghetti strap top, high heels and no bra or panties to the grocery store.  I was to buy whatever I needed, plus batteries.  I was to put a pair of panties and my bullet in my purse.  After the grocery store I was to pull over somewhere and get myself off, but it had to last at least 15 minutes (usually it only takes me a couple minutes!)
At first I agreed, nervously but agreed nonetheless.  I got dressed as he asked and was walking out the door but then I stopped.  I just couldn’t go through with it.  I am a fairly modest person.  Any sort of public display of affection makes me uncomfortable, whether it’s witnessing it or taking part myself.  Holding hands in public is difficult for me!  Even wearing jeans without panties would be a big deal for me – not to mention a short (by my standards anyway) light tan skirt!  Plus, the city I live in isn’t exactly a big city.  The odds of running into someone I know are extremely high.  I’ve taught close to 80 kids so me running into one of my students & their parents isn’t unlikely either.  I explained all of this to the dom but he said I was just making up excuses.  He said that’s what I always do – run away when things get tough and that I will not be happy until I can overcome my fears.  He said that I need to do it for myself, not for him.

 

I was just thinking, “Excuse me?  You’ve talked to me online for a handful of hours and yet you know me well enough t say what I *need* to be happy?”  He assured me that I would eventually regret my decision and was shocked when I hadn’t regretted it by the next day.  Obviously he didn’t know me as well as he thought he did, as it’s been almost a week and I haven’t had a tinge of regret yet.

 

The whole experience was a good refresher for me though.  I’d forgotten how bad so many dom’s suck.  He really is very stereotypical of most of the “doms” I’ve met online.  I looked back through our conversations and it became quite obvious he thought he was far superior to me.  While some subs do feel that their doms are superior to them, I am not one of them.  As a person I am their equal; I would simply have a different role within our relationship.  That is the way I see my subs also – I don’t think I’m superior to them simply because I am their domme.  Anyway, back to our conversations.  For every one of my comments, he made 6-7.  He would just keep talking and talking and talking.  There was no give-and-take in the conversation.  It wasn’t even a conversation – he would talk and I would listen (or rather, he would type and I would read).  And the fact that he felt he could psychoanalyze me after talking with me for such a short time – how fucking arrogant!

 

Backtracking a bit, I do think there is a tad bit of truth in the me running away thing.  I have chickened out when things get too intense with doms but I don’t think that’s necessarily a bad thing.  I look back and none of the doms I’ve chickened out with have been quality.  I don’t think it was necessarily chickening out – it was my instinct kicking in.  I don’t back down from things in person – not that I’ve submitted a lot in person.  If a dom is actually right there with me to push me, I don’t back down.  Another aspect of it is that I’m not going to push myself waaaaaaaaaaay out of my comfort zone for someone I hardly know.  If a guy who I’ve been submitting to for months asked me to do what that dom asked of me, I think I’d be able to overcome my fears to do it.  You don’t just jump to a subs limits the first time you chat.  Duh.

 

Needless to say, I’ve had my fill of submitting for a while.

~*~*~

The day after all this anxiety with the dom, was the day Hunter came for his visit.  After he’d left I realized something utterly embarrassing (to me, at least – I get embarrassed by the dumbest things!)  Right above my pussy “LJ’s slut” was written in permanent marker, per the doms request.  I had totally forgotten it was there!  The thought of Hunter seeing it petrified me.  I wondered why in the world he hadn’t said anything.  I texted him and discovered he hadn’t noticed it.  How he missed it, I have no idea but I was relieved.  I doubt it would have phased him but I’ve always been afraid that if a sub saw me do something submissive, it would lessen my dominance in their eyes.  It’s all good though