Carter and I texted last night for a little while. That’s kind of a big deal, as we pretty much never communicate anymore. I was/am just too hurt by what went down. He asked how my day was and I said it was stressful but I enjoyed the time I spent with the kids (my Monday started off by getting chewed out by the cook – who’s also the owner – for not doing the dishes Friday even though it wasn’t my responsibility!) His reply back was just perfect. He said “Hopefully someone will tell you they appreciate you tomorrow.” Who says that? Most people would say something along the lines of hope you have a good day or something equally unoriginal (yet still sincere!) But that was exactly what was bothering me, and I hadn’t even realized it.
Someone did tell me they appreciated me today, though its not at all what Carter or I had in mind. Out of the blue an im box pops up on my screen from a screen name I don’t recognize. The messages (series of 3 in a row) said: I know that it has been an extremely long time since we spoke last and things ended awkwardly but i just wanted to thank you so much for helping me open up and embrace my wilder side, i have taken things quite a bit farther since we spoke last but i wouldnt have done it without meeting you first and I would like to talk to you again. I guess i was scared that i had such a good time doing what we did and that i tried to push it out of my mind because i was so scared that I liked it, by the time I decided thats just who I am it was long after we had last spoken and I didn’t know what to say, honestly I still don’t know what to say as you can probably tell by my rambling. anyway if nothing else i wanted to apologize.
For the life of me I had no idea who the heck it was. I racked my brain and felt so bad that I obviously had an effect on this person and yet I had no clue who it was. It was a guy I went out with almost a year ago.
I was shocked. And really happy. He had completely disappeared after our date – no longer online or anything. That was a little of a surprise to me because as I’d written in my post about our date, we really seemed to connect. But, it had been a little intense for our first meeting and one of his first formal d/s experience so I wasn’t totally surprised I’d scared him off. We caught up a little about what we’d both been up to this past year and such. He brought up a few times the possibility of us meeting up again. I was honest with him about what I’d thought though – that I was interested in everything with him, not just sex (I know, girls are supposed to play hard to get, blah, blah, blah but I don’t strategize when it comes to dating – too much damn work!) He said he wasn’t really looking for that right now but he also wasn’t going to close the door on any possibilities. He wanted to play on the cam so we did that for a little while. The looks guys have when they’re in pain are just so damn yummy.
I’m definitely not letting myself get excited about him but it was a nice surprise. Even though it’s actually opening a door, it feels like it’s bringing closure at the same time. I understand what happened now – that’s a comfort for some reason. And, it was nice to hear that I’d had a positive impact on someone – even if it was an adult and their sexuality as opposed to a child and their academics!
