I have perfected my eggs benedict for you… March 31, 2008

I am such a lucky girl.  Yet, no matter how many times I tell myself and Hunter that, I still don’t totally believe it.  It’s as if I won’t allow myself to be happy, to truly believe that Hunter wants ME and that he is happy with me.  I’m constantly waiting for the other shoe to drop.  I read into every. little. thing.  No matter how many amazing, sweet things he does for me or with me, I fixate on the negative things – which really aren’t negative; they just get twisted into negative situations in my head.

Take for instance this last evening and this morning.  I asked Hunter to call or text me whenever he got off work – which was supposed to be 11 at the latest.  But, 11 came and went and he didn’t call.  I eventually fell asleep but woke up at 5, checked my phone right away even though there’s no way I could sleep through a call or text from him.  Nothing. I wasn’t able to fall into a restful sleep again.  I called him when I got home from having breakfast with a friend.  Nothing.  He’s always online before his 11 o’clock class.  Nothing.  Not online and not returning my texts/calls.  I started crying around 10 and cried off and on until my phone rang at 11:07.  He finally called.   He’d gotten off work after midnight and was afraid to call that late (I think we’ve had that discussion before…if I say to call, he’s to call, no matter the hour. I should hope after this instance he’ll remember that), and his phone had been off or not with him or something this a.m.  When he heard my messages and got my texts explaining how worried I was, he left class just so he could call and assure me that everything was okay.

I just can’t wrap my head around the idea that he’s with me, only me, and that’s where he wants to stay.  For goodness sakes, one time I mentioned that eggs benedict was my favorite breakfast food.  Tonight he tells me that he made it over spring break and has perfected his recipe.  Come on, how sweet is that??

~*~*~*~

We had the house to ourselves for a couple hours today.  It was so great.  I never thought I would be a spanking person but oh, boy, am I ever!  I could spank him and watch him squirm all day long.  I also scratched nails across his ass cheeks a few times – even drew blood!  I hadn’t meant to do it that hard but was pretty excited about it nonetheless.  He said I was literally dripping when he went down on me after I was through spanking him.  Yeah, I’m pretty sure I’m a sadist! Hehe.

After the spanking and him eating me for a while, the fucking commenced.  It was among the best sex ever (granted, I find myself saying that pretty much each time I sleep with Hunter.) I was SO close to cumming!  Granted, I used my bullet – which was the first time I’d ever done that during sex – but it was still exciting nonetheless.  I’ve never really come close to cumming during any kind of play, even if using my bullet with someone else present or watching.  I really think it could happen with Hunter!! I’m psyched!  He said he could tell the times I did get really close, by how my pussy twitched and tightened.

Towards the end of our evening I really laid into Hunter’s nipples – with clothespins, twisting, and pinching with nails.  He was in a lot of pain.  It got me mighty horny and ready for more sex.  He fucked me beautifully and came inside me.  We both enjoy laying there together after he cums, with him still inside me.  I love how close I feel to him during those times – both physically and emotionally.  While we lay there, I scratched my nails down his back a few times.  He squirmed and made his sexy little pain-filled noises.  I was once again totally turned on.  Causing him pain while he was inside of me was probably the most erotic thing I’ve ever experienced.

~*~*~*~ 

On a vanilla note – what they say about guys is true – they are rather simple creatures.  I got my haircut yesterday and it pretty much looks like my hair was chopped by a lawnmower.  Before we left for dinner I curled my hair, but didn’t like it so I styled it a different way.  I still didn’t like it because there’s really no way to make it look good, but it was tolerable.  When we got in the car I looked in the mirror and saw a little piece out of place and freaked out (okay, not freaked out but expressed frustration.)  Hunter looked at me like I was crazy.  He had no clue what I was wigging out about.  Guys really don’t notice those minor details that girls so often freak out about.  How nice it would be to not be concerned with such things.

Seeing the boy I missed so much March 27, 2008

Hunter was over last night.  It was the first time we’d seen each other in 10 days.  And I was a total bitch.

 I’m choosing to believe it was PMS.  All women experience different things with PMS and with me it’s that I get extra emotional – both with crying and irritability.  Last night I was emotional in an apathetic way…if that makes any sense, with a tad bit of pissy thrown in for extra measure.  After not seeing my boy for 10 days you’d think I would have wanted to jump his bones the second I saw him…and in the days leading up to last night, that is exactly what I wanted to do.  But, I just wasn’t feeling it last night.  It took at least a half hour before I even let him really kiss me.  When we did start to mess around it was as if I had to *make* myself do it.  Once we started I, of course, totally got into it though!

After we fucked the first time, as we lay naked together on the couch, I had to fight back tears.  There was absolutely no reason for me to be crying. But, there I was, sad and on the verge of tears.  To be completely honest, I’m not totally sure it was PMS, or if it was the depression, or a combination of both.  Either way, it sucked.  I thought hard about what to do – do I turn my head, curl up against Hunter’s chest, and just let myself cry – or, do I fight back the tears and pretend like nothing is wrong.  I decided on the latter.  I can’t really pinpoint why that was my decision.  I felt “safe” to cry with Hunter.  We’ve talked about my depression and I know he understands.  I *wanted* to turn to him and let myself cry.  But, I stopped myself anyway.  I think it has little to do with Hunter and the two of us, than it has to do with me.  If I cried, I had to admit that, once again, that something wasn’t quite right with me.  I’ve been so good, so happy for so many months now.  I don’t want to fall back into that hole of apathy and unyielding sadness.  So, despite the fact I could cry at this very moment if I let myself, I’m going to choose to believe it’s just PMS and not the depression.

I worked with Hunter’s ass a little for the first time last night.  I’ve never done any ass play with someone else, and have only had it done to me once.  So, I was a little nervous about how much lube to use and how fast/slow to take things.  It went fairly smoothly though.  He made some absolutely wonderful noises.  He’s told me before that he’s not such a tough guy when it comes to his ass and judging by the noises he made, I’d say he’s probably right!  I also ran my nails across his ass, which made him cringe like no other.  MMMMMM, it was so sweet. 

The second time we were going at it he’d slow down while he was fucking me.  I had to remind him several times to go fast and hard, just like I like it.  But, like I said, he kept slowing down, so I thought he was getting close to cumming again.  Just to torment him, I reminded him yet again to keep going hard and fast.  To which he replied, “Hard and fast doesn’t really do it for me.”  That made me laugh out loud!  I reminded him that it’s not about HIM, it’s about ME.  I had him fuck me the way I wanted for a while more and then began the 10 second countdown.  He wasn’t able to cum in that amount of time so he had to just stop and pull out.  The look on his face when I make him do that is absolutely priceless.

I showed him the ankle bracelet I made for him, to represent my ownership of him.  I have to make it a little bit smaller but otherwise it wasn’t too bad.  Before I put it on him I asked him to tell me what it represented.  He was having a hard time putting it into words, which I totally understand.  So, part of his reflection about last night is supposed to contain a more thoughtful. detailed explanation of what it means to him.  I may post part of what he says on here. 

Thought I’d leave ya’ll with a little something yummy….well, I think it’s mighty yummy anyway!!  You can even see my nail marks. MMMMM….

Absence, Punishment & Fantasies….Oh My! March 22, 2008

I haven’t seen Hunter in 6 days and it’s looking like it will be another 4-8ish  days before I see him again.  I’ve gotten to talk to him pretty much every day though so I shouldn’t complain too much! But, right now he’s at his Grandma’s which I guess is totally in the boonies and he doesn’t get cell reception.  So, no talking at all today or tomorrow. 

 I’m really excited about the direction in which Hunter and I are moving. We seem to really be on the same page about one another, how things are currently, and what we want to happen.   Things are growing deeper. I look back at some of the first posts I made about him and I  and they’re almost solely about the physical aspects.  But, as time has passeed they have become more about the relationship as a whole, not just the physical part. I’m looking forward to moving even more in that direction.

This past week while Hunter was gone, he went out on the town almost every night.  Each night when he got in he was to text me – just so I’d know.  He forgot one night.  His punishment was to write “I will text my owner when she tells me to,” or something along those lines, 25 times – to be done all at once.  He HATED it.  I think writing sentences is going to be my favored punishment.  But, I need to also remember to change it up once in a while.  Really, he is such a good boy though.  He has yet to intentionally disobey me.  He does get pretty down on himself when he slips up and forgets something I asked of him.  I hope punishment is a cleansing experience for him.

Almost as soon as Hunter and I started dating, getting myself off became a lot more difficult.  I would picture things we’d done and things I wanted to do to him.  The thoughts would arouse me but it was taking me FOREVER (okay, more like 10-20 minutes) to cum, which was really odd because I usually cum within a few minutes.  I just didn’t get it – when I actually did the things to him that I was imagining, it got me wet and horny as hell, but it just didn’t do a whole lot when I masturbated about it after the fact.  I felt really, really guilty about it.

But, the other day Kaya did a post about fantasies and it made things a whole lot more clear to me.  Most of my fantasies since I met Hunter have been about me and two unknown males – one I am submissive to and the other is my sub.  The dom and I do humiliating and degrading things to my sub – more than I could ever see myself doing in real life.  I would also not do another guy in front of Hunter due to concerns about the emotional effects it could have.  I think there’s something else to it too.  Once something happens it becomes a reality, not a fantasy.  No matter how hot the experience was it still won’t measure up to the intensity/allure of something that hasn’t happened, at least for me when I’m masturbating. Like I said though, thinking about things Hunter and I have done does get my mighty horny, but it takes a different kind of fantasy to get me all the way to an orgasm.  I wish it wasn’t like that, but that’s just the way it is.

Let the stars fade and fall, and I won’t care at all as long as I have you March 16, 2008

Hunter and I had an absolutely delightful evening last night.  He met me at a friends house for her twins’ birthday party.  I was so proud to be able to call him mine!  I am extremely shy around new people so I know I wouldn’t have said anything, but he jumped right into the conversation.  My friend was very impressed by him – both his personality and his appearance.  Her last comment to me was, “You know, friends share!”  I made some offhand comment about not sharing him or something along those lines.  If I had been thinking I would have made some comment about taking her up on it – just to see the look on Hunter’s face!

Last night at the hockey game, I put my arm in his!  I know, big whoop, right?  It was actually a big deal for me.  I am VERY anti-PDA, as I think I’ve said before.  But, I knew it meant a lot to Hunter to show some affection. And, to be honest, it was hard for me to sit next next to him and not touch him in some way.  At one point he leaned over to kiss me and I almost kissed him back, momentarily forgetting where we were.  As soon as I realized we were in public, I quickly pulled away.  We both got a little chuckle out of it though.

All of Hunter’s roommates were gone for spring break so we went to his place for the night.  It was nice to not have to worry about being quiet, like we have to at my place usually.  On the way to his place, which is about a 30 minute drive, I had him take his cock out and rub it.  That made me so fucking horny.  I don’t get off on watching people get off, just doesn’t do a whole lot for me.  I, of course, couldn’t watch him too much because I was driving.  When I wasn’t stealing glances, I was picturing it in my head.  Just knowing he was sitting there with his cock out for *me* was so hot. 

Shortly after we got to his place I administered his punishment spankings.  I had three objects to use (belt, wooden spoon, and brush).  He received 5 swats with each object for both of his offenses (for a total of 30 swats).  I wasn’t expecting to enjoy it all that much but I sure did!  Spanking will definitely be a big part of our relationship from now on.  That being said, I’ll probably need to find an alternative form of punishment.  While I know he doesn’t exactly enjoygetting spanked, he is a masochist so there is a certain level of enjoyment and punishment is not to be about enjoyment.  But, he really is a good boy so I don’t foresee having to make a decision about punishment for a while.

I’ve read a lot about punishment being a cleansing thing for a sub/slave.  I think it can also be a cleansing thing for the dominant one also, at least for me that’s the case.  Girls can be caddy individuals, myself included.  While I cannot think of specific instances at the moment, I know there have been times in past relationships that I have thrown my partners transgressions in his face for quite some time.  I know I won’t have that problem with Hunter.  After his punishment, it was as if those transgressions never happened.  I wasn’t expecting to feel that way – not that I was expecting to feel the opposite either.  I just wasn’t expecting anything I guess.  It was a really welcome surprise.

I told him I loved him.  Well, my exact words were, “I think I’m falling in love with you.”  I’ve been thinking about saying it for a few days but was really hesitant because of his reaction to my post titled “Ramblings of an [almost] love-stricken girl.” Turns out I had nothing to worry about though.  He said something along the lines of already being in love with me.  I wasn’t totally convinced he was sincere though.  In the morning I told him I loved him again and he basically mumbled it back and added “so, so much.” I was afraid he’d said it just to please me or out of a sense of obligation.  But, later in the afternoon he randomly texted me saying he loved me and missed me already.  We talked about it online a little later too and sure enough, he’s being thinking about telling me for a little bit.  I over-analyze stuff too much!

I’m in the process of looking for an anklet for Hunter.  I wanted some physical sign of my ownership of him.  He already has a necklace he wears regularly and he’s not a ring guy.  I’d like to find something with the bdsm emblem (3 part yin-yang type thing) but most things I like that I’ve found are sold out or ridiculously expensive.  I thought about making him one but I can’t find emblem beads. I may just have to give up on having the emblem.  So, I may settle for a vanilla type one.  We discussed the symbolism behind the anklet – to make sure we were on the same page about its meaning.  To us, the anklet is an outward, physical sign of his submission to me – that he is Mine.  Also, it is a physical reminder of the commitment we’ve made to the D/s lifestyle and to one another – that we are committed to working through problems, if we have any – there will be no just breaking up type stuff.  I made it clear that I don’t take this lightly and Hunter said he completely agreed.

Hunter is on spring break this week.  He’ll be back in the area next Monday or Tuesday but he works Tuesday & Wednesday and I’m going to my parents for a few days with the rest of my family on Wednesday.  So, we may not see each other for two weeks. 

[Title is from "As Long as I have You" by Elvis.]

Eating pussy isn’t always enjoyable….for the boy March 14, 2008

Last night was amazing.  I got to see Hunter!  First, we went out to eat.  I have to admit I was a little nervous about it.  Well, nervous seems to be too strong a word, as does worried.  On our first date we went out for ice cream and there were a couple moments of awkward silences – well, I thought they felt awkward.  I have no idea if he even noticed there was silence.  Perhaps I’m just super-sensitive about that kind of stuff. Anyway, since our first date most of our time together has been spent either watching movies or messing around.  I was unsure about how the conversation would flow when there was no external stimulation (such as our surroundings at the hockey game or events from the movie we’re watching).  I knew we connected on a vanilla level, but I wasn’t sure just how much.  I sure didn’t need to worry though!  Conversation flowed beautifully and it was just delightful.

When we got back to my place I had to work on something for my psycho boss.  We popped in the movie he’d brought but soon he shut it off because I was focusing more on the movie than getting my work done.  But, soon I was watching what was on tv instead of working on my work.  He would lean over, take hold of my chin, and move it back to the computer screen.  Some domme’s may have been upset by that because it could have been viewed as a dominant gesture but I appreciated it actually.  I have his best interest at heart always and I expect him to have mine in his also.  Even with the little things like watching tv while I should be working, I do expect him to do what he can to keep me focused.  In my opinion, sitting silent while I did something dumb would actually be a disservice to me.  It was really cute too – at one point he moved away from me a little and I started watching tv.  As soon as he made the littlest movement, my eyes jetted back to the computer screen because I knew I was going to be in “trouble.”  Yeah, we may not have a conventional D/s relationship but it works damn well for us!

After I was done with my work and we’d started watching the movie again, I mentioned a foot rub to him.  He paused and said okay, but I could tell by the look on his face that he wasn’t crazy about the idea.  He didn’t have a look of distaste or anything like that on his face, but the look of excitement was missing.  When it comes to pain I have no problem making him do something he doesn’t want to do but in other aspects, I want him to serve me because he wantsto, not because he hasto.  So, I didn’t push the foot rub thing.  But, about 10 minutes later he gets up and starts rubbing my feet anyway!  He’s so damn great!!

He’s been wanting to go down on me for quite a while but I’m not a big fan of it so had put it off.  I gave him his chance last night though.  I must say that I was pleasantly surprised.  It’s not that I doubted his abilities, being eaten out has just never done anything for me before.  But, it’s true – he’s good!  I didn’t cum, but I did very much enjoy it.  For the first time in a really long time (if ever), I actually have hope that I may cum from something besides my hand & bullet!  A lot of it comes down to allowing myself to sit back, really enjoy it, and let go.  I am able to do that with Hunter more than any other guy, and I think I will continue to do it more each time we’re together. He also fingered me just the way I like it!  Fingering seems like such a simple concept to me and yet there are SO many guys who have no clue what they’re doing.  Hunter definitely does not have that problem!

Soon we were fucking, and it was great! I was *so* wet and had no problem taking him this time.  He enters me so slowly, as if he’s savoring the feeling.  Both times that we’ve had sex, he’s whispered “Thank you” as soon as he’s all the way inside of me.  I absolutely love that.  He doesn’t even realize he does it.  He’s just that grateful to be in me, which I think affirms the fact that he knows it’s a privilege to have me – that sex with me is not something that can ever be assumed.

He came inside of me after I had counted down from 10.  As soon as he’d cum I told him to get down and clean me out.  He asked if he could just lay there for a little bit, inside of me.  Since I absolutely love the feeling of him inside of me, I allowed it.  He had a hard time eating his own cum out of me.  He doesn’t like the taste of it to begin with, plus being mixed with mine, just created a really bad taste for him.  But, he did it it.  He did a very good job of it actually.

We cuddled and watched pretty much none of what was left of the movie and soon we were going at it again.  Again, I started counting down from 10, telling him to cum onmy pussy when I got to one.  He wasn’t able to cum right at one, so I made him pull out of me.  The look on his face was priceless – I thought he may cry!  He began to apologize and I assured him that it was fine, he did his best and that’s all I ask of him.  I knew that it was a quick turn-around from the first time and that it would be challenging for him.  Making him pull out was not a punishment, simply a tool for helping me train him to cum on the count of 10.  What motivation does he have and what conditioning does it create if I let him just continue as he was even after I’ve already reached 1?  I hope he understands that I am in no way dissapointed when he doesn’t cum at the count of one, and that I’m crazy about him for trying.

I’ll get to see him again in a day.  I absolutely can’t wait!  We’re going to a hockey game and then taking a trip to the dive of a porn store here in town.  I looked up strap-ons online and they’re so damn expensive!  BDSM is an expensive lifestlye in general – even if one improvises!  So, I’m hoping to find some cheaper stuff at the store.  If not, Hunter and I will fork out the dough we don’t have for the shit we want.  I am a little nervous about fucking though.  What if I’m bad at it?!  Yeah, I’m still working on the self-esteem thing.  Believe it or not, I’ve actually come a long way! Hehe.

Ramblings of an [almost] love-stricken girl March 14, 2008

[Edit:  I removed this post almost immediately after posting it, this past Tuesday.  Hunter read it and said, "I'm not gonna lie, it does scare me a little but I'm not going to be running away."  Instantly I freaked out that I was in fact going to scare him away.  So, I deleted it right away - hoping that if it wasn't there staring at him, available for him to read whenever he wanted, perhaps he'd just kind of forget about it.  Stupid, I know. But, last night he asked me about it, why it was gone.  I explained why I took it down.  He explained that "scared" wasn't the right word - that he was just taken off guard. And, each time he read it, he liked it more.  So, at his request, I'm reposting it.]

Hunter and I haven’t seen each other since Saturday (well, technically Sunday but it was so early, it doesn’t count) and it’s pretty much killing both of us.  We won’t get to see each other again until Thursday – that’s 4 days total!  Life is rough, ain’t it?  We were supposed to see each other yesterday, so I could administer his punishment but he had an emergency root canal that morning so the punishment obviously had to be postponed.  What legnths some people won’t go to to get out of punishments!

I fall for him more and more as each day passes.  It’s hella more than just the D/s thing.  I’m really, genuinely falling for him – all of him, the sub and the person he is.  I’m kind of in shock about it.  After the first and second dates I swore there was no real future but since I was having a great time with him and he was a good guy, I’d just live in the moment and have fun while it lasted.  Now, I’m starting to wonder if I was wrong about the future thing.  I am trying to live in the moment as much as possible but I do find myself thinking more about the future than I thought I would.

I don’t mean I’m thinking about a year from now or 20 years from now, but little things here and there.  For instance, my best friend is graduating from college in May and I thought about taking Hunter with me to the graduation since it’ll be a 2 hour drive. I have *never* even considered introducing a guy to my best friends family…I’m more worried about their approval than I am my own family’s!  And, I wanted to make plans for him to meet some friends of mine.  Very, very rarely do I introduce the guys I’m dating to my friends – for some reason I feel this need to keep my love life and social life separate.  But, I don’t feel that as much with him.  At the hockey game he referenced at least twice me meeting his family and experiencing something from his hometown.  Granted, I’m a girl so I look into every.little.thing.   Personally, I go out of my way not to reference anything in the future unless I’m sincere about it.  Perhaps men don’t put as much thought into casual comments like that though.  I’m scared to share these thoughts with him.  I know he’s crazy about me and really happy but what if he is just totally living in the moment and the mere mention of the f word (future) sends him running in the opposite direction.  He is a guy after all!

Yeah, so obviously there’s a little work to do with the living in the moment and not worrying about the little stuff.  That’s pretty much the story of my life though.  Why change now? 

A night of firsts March 9, 2008

Hunter and I had an amazing evening last night.  It was a night of firsts for both of us – very first times and first times together.

Last night was the first time I’d been upset with Hunter.  We planned to go to a hockey game and he arrived at my place a little late.  I was next to silent on the way to the game.  I was debating whether or not to say anything.  I felt like it was a petty thing and I was afraid of coming off like a total bitch.  Walking into the game I did find a way to bring it up – what I told him was that I hated missing the opening part – when the shut the lights off and announce the players and such.  He apologized and I was fine again - I just needed to get it off my chest I think.  We get into the hockey game and sure enough, we get there right before they shut the lights off for the starting line-up.  So, I really didn’t miss anything and all was good. 

While watching a movie after the game, I applied clothespins to his balls and began sucking his cock.  Again, he made amazing noises.  After a bit I stopped sucking him and began rubbing his cock.  I really want to work with him on cumming on command, counting down from 10.  I told him I expected him to cum when I got to 1.  I started counting, very slowly.  He wasn’t able to cum on the count of one, but that was okay with me.  I know he tried. We’ve gotta start somewhere, right?

We later went up to my room for bed.  It was awesome – we layed in bed almost naked together for a long time, just talking.  Things eventually got hot.  We wanted each other so unbelievably bad.  I was torn about the sex thing though.  One, I was on my period – I wasn’t sure that I wanted to deal with the mess.  Two, he was supposed to bring condoms and he’d forgotten.  That’s kind of a big deal.  Three, he was given an instruction to give me my own ring tone on his phone and he had not done so.  So, I wasn’t sure if he deserved to have me.  But, in turn I was also punishing myself because I wanted him unbelievably badly.  It finally dawned on me that I actually had condoms…how I could forget something like that I’m not sure. We discussed an alternate time for me to administer a punishment spanking and soon after the fucking commenced!

I have to say, it was some damn good sex.  I’m really tight and he’s really thick so it took quite a while for me to be able to take him all comfortably.  I prefer to be fucked, rather than to fuck.  Yep that’s right, I want the guy fucking me, doing most all of the work.  So, he was on top of me, humping away while I laid back and just enjoyed the festivities.  A little while into I told him to cum on the count of ten.  He did!  I was so proud of him!  He later told me he was ready to cum at 5-4 but was able to hold off.  After he’d cum I made him stay in me for a few minutes.  Just feeling him completely fill me was so hot in itself.  I would have been fine staying like that forever.  After that we cleaned up, curled up, and went to sleep.  I am amazed at how perfectly I fit in his arms.  I’ve never been so comfortable curled up with someone before.  It’s just amazing.

As I said before, it was that time of the month for me.  I had never had sex while I was ragging and Hunter had only once but it was kind of an accident.  It wasn’t really all that different though and not messy at all.  After the fact, Hunter told me that with his previous domme he hadn’t been able to stay hard when she was on her period.  He had absolutely no problem with that with me!!  Not going to lie, that made me feel pretty good – I have been insecure about his past relationship with her.  But, I’m definitely getting over that!

I asked Hunter what he thought would be a good punishment for his recent transgressions.  He thought 5 smacks would be good.  I assured him that 5 smacks would definitely be part of the punishment, which is planned for tomorrow.  I’m really not looking forward to it.  While I do have sadistic tendencies, I’m not a mean person.  I would much rather spend time cuddling with him or causing him the good erotic kind of pain, rather than giving a punishment paddling. 

Foot Massages March 7, 2008

Hunter is just amazing.

I talked to him about the foot massage thing and sent him a link on how to give a good one.  When he was here Wednesday night, I even gave him one.  The poor guy has never had a real massage, no wonder he had no idea what to do!  He told me today that he practiced on two of his friends and got a couple tips – he even told his friends he wanted to practice so he could give me a good one.  He really wants to do his best for me – with everything he does.  I can’t imagine anyone wanting to please me more than he does.  He takes his role very seriously.  I am so lucky I found him.  I just cannot imagine a more perfect sub for me. 

It doesn’t taste as good as you do March 6, 2008

Hunter came over again last night – third time this week.  The one day we’ve spent apart since we met – Tuesday, was rough for both of us.  I didn’t know if I was going to be able to make it to Wednesday!  But, it did arrive….FINALLY!

Keep in mind Hunter is my first experience as a domme – my first experience causing another individual intentional pain.  Let me tell ya, Hunter has a high pain tolerance!  I was playing with his balls, trying out some of the pain techniques I’d read up on.  Yeah, they were causing him pure pleasure, there was no pain involved.  I was so scared to do anything more though because I didn’t want to actually hurt him; I just wanted to cause him pain.  So, he actually had to show me how to hurt him! 

I quickly got the hang of it though!  I clipped three clothespins to his balls and commenced rubbing his cock so he could cum, as I had promised.  He said it usually takes him around an hour to cum when he’s whacking it.  I’m a slam, bam kind of girl.  I get annoyed and give up if it takes me longer than 10 minutes to cum.  I don’t have patience, I get bored easily.  I’ve read on a couple websites where the doms have trained their subs to cum by counting down from 10.  That’s definitely something I’m going to look into for Hunter. 

One thing I appreciate the most about Hunter is that he’s not turned off by my inexperience.  I was so careful and almost scared the first time I put clothespins on his balls.  I asked him if he minded being my “guinea pig” and of course he said he didn’t, and I could tell by his reactions to things that he was sincere in saying that.  He is so into submitting and pleasing me that no matter how scared I am about trying some new pain thing or if I do something “wrong,” he definitely doesn’t allow it to kill the mood. 

Back to the juicy stuff!  It didn’t take him *too* unbelievably long to cum.  When he did, I was quick to scoop the cum from his stomach and feed it to him.  Oh, how I love that!  Every time I brought a little more to his mouth, his face winced in disgust.  It was obvious he wasn’t a big fan of it…which made me love it all the more.  I asked him about it later and he said, “Well, it doesn’t taste as good as you.”

Later he told me that his favorite part of the evening was right before he came – me stroking his cock, us kissing, and the movement of me stroking his cock making the clothespins bounce, creating a combination of pain & pleasure.  He called it “feeling overload.” 

Towards the end of the evening I again applied 3 clothespins to his balls. We were watching a show - during commercials I’d play with his balls, during the show I’d just cuddle up against him.  At the end of the show (which had the LONGEST concluding segment EVER!) we began making out while I played with the clothespins.  I loved taking them off.  I tried to make it so he wouldn’t know exactly when one was going to be removed (if it worked out that way, I don’t actually know).  It was so hot – we’d be kissing, I’d take one off and instantly he’d stop kissing me and pull away, wincing in pain.  I just could not get enough of that.  And oh boy did that make me wet as hell.  I could feel my panties getting all squishy.  I could have pulled clothespins off his balls all night long! 

Hunter has started writing reflections for me.  He was fairly nervous about it I think.   He wasn’t sure what to write about and that he would even be able to write about his thoughts/feelings were in-depth.  I was very impressed with his first one though, which he sent after he got home last night.  I think it’s already having the desired effect.  He told me in detail about his favorite part of the evening, about how he’d felt self-concious when he was standing almost naked in front of me, and about his ex-girlfriend – none of which I think he would have thought too much about or told me about, had he not been expected to write a reflection of sorts. 

As I said, Hunter talked about his ex-girlfriend in his reflection.  I’m glad he opened up with me about it some.  I knew they had been together quite a while and that she was the one who had introduced him to D/s.  To be completely honest, I do worry a little about them/her.  I know she is still in his life.  I also know that he’s told her all about me and how excited he is that he met me.  He did admit though that he does still have some feelings for her.  On a concious level, I know there is nothing to worry about – he is totally head-over-heels crazy about me.  But, considering the last relationship I was in ended because the guy got back with his ex-girlfriend, can you really blame me for having dobuts?  Hunter has done absolutely nothing to make me doubt him – quite the opposite really.  So, I’m just going to continue to focus on the fact that I’m happy and hell and so is he.  Hopefully those stupid little tiny voices of doubt in the back of my mind will shut up soon. 

One more taste for the road March 4, 2008

I saw Hunter again last night.  I’m more convinced that we aren’t “meant to be” but I’m also more convinced that we’re going to have a hellava lot of fun together anyway!

 Again, I spent much of the evening teasing him.  I could tell he was more frustrated than last night, as I got more of a reaction by rubbing his cock through his jeans last night than I did rubbing his cock Sunday night.  I totally get off on the sounds guys make when they’re being teased and in pain.  MMMMMMMMMM.  I also tweaked his nipples some.  I’ll admit, I wanted to do him SO badly but again, I allowed him pretty much no access to my body.

At one point I asked him to rub my feet.  He totally half-assed it – just only one hand and hardly any pressure.  I didn’t really say anything though – didn’t want to hurt his feelings I guess. So, today I e-mailed him a link on how to give one.  I think I’m going to actually give him one so he can really see what I want. 

Towards the end of the evening I reached down into my pants, got as much cum on my fingers as I could and had him lick it off.  I did it a second time.  He savored every little bit, it was obvious by the look of pure lust on his face.  I’ve never seen anything quite like it.  I’ve never had a guy want me or something of mine the way he wanted my juices. He leaned down right next to my cheek and thanked me.  I was rather moved by it as it was obvious it was sincere, he was genuinely thankful for that little taste of me.  So hot.

We continued making out for a while – I was totally able to breathe adequately. I don’t know what was up with that Sunday night.  Oh, well!  When I told him it was time to go he sweetly said, “Can I have one more taste for the road?”  It was so adorable.  How could I deny that?

I’ve also asked him to start keeping a journal – probably a paper one, unless he wants to do an online one.  It’s up to him I guess. He is very pleasing and when I ask him what he wants or if there was anything he didn’t like, I don’t get a lot of feedback.  He simply says he liked it and such.  I can’t get into his head too deeply.  He claims he’s not a good writer and that he won’t have anything to write about.  But, he’s going to try.  I know it will be hard at first but I do believe that in general, journaling does help. We’ll see.